In 1985 I was 32 years old, and decided it was time to change myself. It was, and I did. I read the books, bought the tapes, awoke the giant within, changed my state, envisioned my dreams, made my list, daily repeated affirmations of my determination to achieve those goals, and did whatever it took.
It took seven years. By 1992, there was a checkmark beside everything on my list. It was a breathless and pretty amazing time that I still look back upon in wonder and thankfulness.
I remember being thankful then for my blessings, and fully realized that what had occurred was due, not only to my strategy for success, but to God’s blessing. I had worked just as hard or harder before 1985, and achieved a lot less. I knew it would not have been possible without God, and the dedicated work of my amazing wife, Robin, our partners, and all the others whom had been drawn to work alongside us.
It was about that time that God began to answer Paul’s prayer in Ephesians for me. I’d been saved for 27 years, but it wasn’t until then that I began to grasp just a glimmer of how deep and wide, how high and long God’s love and grace really is, it changed my life.
My response? Well what else? I made a new list. I started trying to improve myself, and I have been absolutely relentless about it for 21 years…until the day before yesterday.
It took that long for me to realize that it wasn’t working. Even though I’ve written a score of plays, dozens of songs, and am blessed to co-host a nation-wide radio show to convey to people the completely finished, absolutely complete, perfectly sufficient work of Jesus Christ…like an idiot, I’ve been banging away on myself non-stop. It is high time I started practicing what I preach…literally.
Now don’t get me wrong, I haven’t been trying to make myself acceptable to God. I know that I have been made acceptable already, by the love and grace of my Savior alone. No, I’ve been trying to make myself acceptable to me. The result is the same. The enemy doesn’t care what our motivation is…just as long as he can keep us busy doing something that doesn’t make a hill of beans difference.
So two days ago I tore up my lists. Now, instead of a list of goals, I have hope. I still have desires, and I certainly have intentions. God may change those. He does that all the time. Now, just like when He beckoned to me 48 years ago, and I took that one step out into the aisle, my job remains merely to take that one deliberate step, knowing that He is faithful. He’ll be right there waiting. He’ll be with me through every day. Every task. Every challenge. Even though I’ve known that all along, and I’ve rested in that in truth in specific areas of my life and work, I’ve recognized something new, and exciting. It sure feels like freedom to me, and man, am I thankful.
In Dependence,
Chip
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